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How long have you been married? I've been married for 7 years and I'll admit that there were times where I didn't really feel like I loved my husband like I should. They were all phases. Marriage kind of comes in waves. Sometimes you feel it and sometimes you don't. When you don't feel it, all the little things that don't normally bother you seem so much worse. If you love her, I wouldn't flat out leave her. Marriage is a major commitment and there are kids in the picture too. It sounds like you guys need to talk and really talk about what's going on. I recommend you try to do this in person, so if you can, wait until she comes back.
I've never been a military wife and I've never known any military husbands, but my hubby is going to police academy right now and I'm preparing myself for the changes because I know they will come. This kind of work can be really stressful and sometimes, you gotta bite your tongue when you're upset and sometimes you have to accept that they're venting pent-up emotions that don't really have anything to do with you. One thing I've learned from being on both sides of the fence with it, is that the breadwinner of the home is going to need a bit more appreciation thrown their way. It most certainly is important and it most certainly is work to be a stay at home parent or to bring in the second, less crucial income, but there is a lot of stress being the person who the entire family depends on for food, shelter, etc. This may very well come down to the little things you do for her.
I could be completely off-base here because I only know what you've posted. It would be really tempting to take your friends' advice because you probably feel that they know her better than strangers, but your friends also don't know the details of your relationship. They may know facts and information, but they don't know your feelings or hers. That creates a situation where it's really easy to see the bad and not see the good.
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