More Man and Women Jokes

[fnlaughs]

JOKE 1

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable was on the husband's buttocks. The couple agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

After the surgery, everyone was astounded at the result. The woman looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful appearance. One day, when she was alone with her husband, she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Honey, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "Think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

JOKE 2

A man takes his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looks her over and tells them it will be a rather difficult delivery. He offers to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agrees. The doctor warns him, though, that there is a slight bug in the machine that causes it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and that if the pain became too much for the husband to bear, he should let the doctor know.

The doctor turns on the machine and watches the man, who says he feels absolutely fine and could take more. The doctor turns the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100 percent of the pain - times ten! The woman delivers the baby painlessly and the doctor stares at the man, astonished that he did not even flinch in spite of the prolonged and difficult childbirth.

The couple takes the new baby home. There on the front step, the mailman lies dead.


JOKE 3

Two guys are discussing sex, marriage, and values. Stuart says, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replies, "I'm not sure- what was her maiden name?"


JOKE 4

Sam and Becky are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Sam says, "Becky, I was wondering, have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question."

"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. Yes, three times."

"Three? When were they?"

"Well, Sam, remember when you were thirty-five and you really wanted to start that business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? And then one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

"Oh, Becky, you did that for me? I respect you even more than ever, to do such an unselfish thing. So, when was number two?"

"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you needed that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? And then suddenly the best doctor in town announced that he'd do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"

"I can't believe it! Becky, you saved my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. You must really love me, darling. So ... when was number three?"

"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were seventeen votes short?”

[Froldt]

These are pretty funny, I hadn't heard most of them!