Living with a sloppy spouse?

[Rusty]

Note that I put "spouse," not "husband" in the title because wives can be sloppy as well. I know of a guy who'd just get out of the house because it was always a mess with him the only one cleaning, and he'd get so tired of it.

So what do you do if you've got a messy spouse who thinks YOU are always, automatically, the one to clean and they can add to the mess all they want? Do you fight it, set rules, threaten to leave if they are broken or are you better off saving your nerves and accepting the permanent cleaner job?

[tongyun]

Interesting question you pose. My wife is a stay at home mom and there are days when I come home from work and it looks the say way it did when I left. Then when my wife's friends come over, she always comments on how neat and tidy their houses are but our's is a mess. I just bite my tongue and realize that even though our house is a little messy it doesn't really bother me and if people are going to judge what it looks like, it falls on my wife and not me.

[The Ice Queen]

Well, when it comes to household chores, it depends on the situation of your household. If the husband is the only one working, then the wife should be the one who takes care of the home. It is also important for you to discuss if you it's ok to hire household help, specially if you have a big family. But since both me and my husband are working, we make sure we implement division of labor. Our kids have a nanny but we decided not to hire any household help. I get home earlier than my husband, so naturally, I'm in charge of cooking dinner and lunch for the kids the next day. After dinner, my husband and our oldest son (13 yrs old), will be the ones in charge of the dishes while I clean up my other two kids and haul them to bed. After that I tidy the nuclear bomb explosion in the living room and in the bathrooms, while my husband is having a homework/study session with our son. On weekends, that's the only time I become a full-pledged wife and carry out all the household/general cleaning chores, while my husband took care of repairs in the house and mow the lawn with our son.
It was such a fun experience. I guess the key to make it work is to have fun doing it. The best part of it is that both of you are participating and it is always a great feeling to know that you can both depend on each other.

[Simplyme]

Maybe it is your problem! What's "sloppy" for one person is "tidy" for another person.

Try to come to some kind of middle ground. A compromise could satisfy both you and your spouse, and not upset anyone!