What to do when she wants out for no reason

f28699

ok my wife has told me recently that she was planning on leaving me but this was after i discovered a conversation between her and friend about my wife having a friend that she is a little to close to in my opinion because she has said she isnt doing anything but she has thought about it we are seperated because of military reasons she is deployed and i am home with our children i havent done anything in the sense i dont beat her or cheat on her maybe i havent been the best husband in the sense that i dont always say how much i love her or that she is the most beautiful person i have in my life besides our children and that i will do anything for her but at the same time i have never been able to tell her why it is that i love her. she wanted to have another child a few weeks ago and now she wont even really tell me what it is that is so awful about us and says she doesnt love me the way she should and this has been an ongoing thing with her but every few months she tells me she wants to be with me then she tells me she doesnt i really just want to know what to say to her or what it is that i should do i put this out there to strangers because friends say leave her and her friends dont tell me anything to do people that are our aquantances say that she is wrong and will regret it so i am looking for an objective opinion really.

Ðanisty

How long have you been married? I've been married for 7 years and I'll admit that there were times where I didn't really feel like I loved my husband like I should. They were all phases. Marriage kind of comes in waves. Sometimes you feel it and sometimes you don't. When you don't feel it, all the little things that don't normally bother you seem so much worse. If you love her, I wouldn't flat out leave her. Marriage is a major commitment and there are kids in the picture too. It sounds like you guys need to talk and really talk about what's going on. I recommend you try to do this in person, so if you can, wait until she comes back.

I've never been a military wife and I've never known any military husbands, but my hubby is going to police academy right now and I'm preparing myself for the changes because I know they will come. This kind of work can be really stressful and sometimes, you gotta bite your tongue when you're upset and sometimes you have to accept that they're venting pent-up emotions that don't really have anything to do with you. One thing I've learned from being on both sides of the fence with it, is that the breadwinner of the home is going to need a bit more appreciation thrown their way. It most certainly is important and it most certainly is work to be a stay at home parent or to bring in the second, less crucial income, but there is a lot of stress being the person who the entire family depends on for food, shelter, etc. This may very well come down to the little things you do for her.

I could be completely off-base here because I only know what you've posted. It would be really tempting to take your friends' advice because you probably feel that they know her better than strangers, but your friends also don't know the details of your relationship. They may know facts and information, but they don't know your feelings or hers. That creates a situation where it's really easy to see the bad and not see the good.

Ðanisty

Okay, I just read in another thread that you've been married for 4 years. When I think about the first 4 years of my marriage, I think about the glossy film wearing off, so to speak. By my 4th year in, I realized that marriage wasn't anything like I had thought it would be even though I had fairly level-headed ideas about marriage in the first place. I had to learn to stop thinking about my marriage like a relationship and start thinking about it like a business. It doesn't sound very romantic, but it works. You have to realize that your wife is a partner. She's not just the person you love. Firt of all, the two of your are inevitably dealing with money. When a business makes money, it's very important that the owners of the business are in agreement on how to spend that money or how to save it (if possible). Also, there are two people working in this business and it's important that both people feel adequately appreciated for what they bring to the table. When business partners have to argue about something, they don't drag up emotional crap from the past. That's just now how you run a business...you deal with what's going on right now and how to make it better in the future. Business partners look past their personal needs sometimes to do what's best for the business itself. Compromises are not optional...they will be needed. This is just an analogy of course. Marriage sometimes makes us feel too comfortable and we slip into lazy habits and take people for granted, etc. Marriage is work. You can play when you finish work. I've found that dealing with bills and problems right away and doing it without getting upset (even if I'm feeling upset), solves the problems quickly. Then we have time for the nice stuff and those pent-up, stressed-out feelings fade quickly. I know this probably sounds crazy. There's just more to marriage than a relationship.

It seems like you have at least 2 kids and they are probably pretty young. I would personally hold off on having another one right now. You've got to way until the situation is stable first. Just my 2 cents.

f28699

thanks for the advice i am trying to get her to realize this stuff and i might even see if she will come on here and she what i wrote and then see what yall write back