The Drunk, The Whore, and The Pitbull

DickStivers

This is one of my favorite jokes. I posted this on LWS, and decided to share it with you guys. It's long, but worth it:

Tom walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a double shot of gin. He's a had one hell of a rough day and is looking to get lit. After two refills, he looks over to his right to find a man named Eric sitting at the end of the bar. Poised in front of Eric is a margarita glass full of $100 bills. Tom's curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks Eric what the wad of cash is doing in that margarita glass.

Eric explains to Tom that he is to complete three tasks. If he successfully completes each, he will win all of the money in the glass (about $1500):

ERIC: #1, you have to knock me the **** out. I mean unconcious for a few seconds.

(Eric is a big mother****er, and Tom is of average build.)
Tom knocks back another double shot at this point.

#2: There's a pitbull in the alley. He has an abscessed tooth. You, my friend, have to pull it out and bring it back to me.

Tom pounds another shot.

#3: There's a whore upstairs. She's never been satisfied in her entire life. Your mission is to give her an orgasm. She is very hard to please, so this will be very tough.

If you feel up to the task laid out before you, you must put a $100 bill in the glass. Then you may begin.

Tom had just cashed his check, and happened to have the money. As we know, alcohol causes us to make some stupid decisions we would never consider if sober, as well as boosting confidence, etc.

Tom pounds another double, and slips the $100 in the glass. Eric stands up, and Tom blasts him with the most powerful uppercut to the jaw. Eric falls to the ground. He is knocked out cold for about 15 seconds. As he struggles to get up, he waves his hand to Tom, motioning to the door that leads to the alley way.

Tom, who is really ****ing trashed at this point, stumbles around in the dark, looking for the pitbull. He begins to hear ferocious and very intimidating growling. He gets to work on his task.

While Eric is waiting for Tom to return, he can hear trash can lids crashing in the alley, screams, yelps, and other terribly violent noises.

When Tom finally comes back into the bar, his shirt is ripped to shreads and he is covered in blood and bites. He swaggers over to Eric and slurs:

tidalecko

Haha, I remember reading this before, but it's still a funny one

Shroomadelic

lol that's funny

crashtestdummy

am i missing somthing, cos i dont get it

Shroomadelic

seriously?

crashtestdummy

seriously...

tidalecko

That's a real bummer...I'd explain it to you, but then it wouldn't be funny anyways.

crashtestdummy

naa please explain i wanna get it

tidalecko

crashtestdummy

LOL ohhh ok, hahaha thats funny well now that i get it