Croton, NY: 
Somewhere along the way, our culture lost sight of the realities of personal relationships. We have bought into the Hollywood fantasy of romantic partners always seeing eye-to-eye on everything. Some of us even grew up dreaming of perfect marriages in which words of disagreement were never spoken. Well, guess what? Such thinking is neither realistic nor healthy.
Not seeing eye-to-eye on everything is normal. Even better, it’s okay. Whether it is you and your spouse, you and your kids, or a combination of all of you together, disagreeing over certain things is to be expected. You are all different people. You all see the world in slightly different ways. To expect that you would always agree on everything is to deny those things that make you different.
A Couple’s Rude Awakening
A lot of what we do here at Relationships & More revolves around couples’ counseling. It is interesting for us to reflect on our interactions with couples, at least in the sense that they all have at least a few things in common. For example, nearly every couple comes face to face with a rude awakening when they realize that their disagreements are pretty frequent.
This happens to young couples all the time. They go through that honeymoon phase, however long it might be, and emerge on the other side suddenly discovering that they are disagreeing over things that didn’t matter before. It is not that their relationship is growing stale or that they are growing apart. It’s simply the fact that the novelty of the relationship is starting to wear off.
As the novelty fades, the other person’s faults become easier to spot. At that point, it is not unusual for both spouses to begin wondering what they got themselves into. Such thoughts are easier to come by when the couple disagrees over core topics like money and raising kids.
Learning to Find Common Ground
Not seeing eye-to-eye on everything is by no means the end of the world. In fact, any couple agreeing 100% of the time would be subject to suspicion. At any rate, the real issue here is not that you and your spouse may not see eye-to-eye. The issue is whether you know how to work within your disagreements.
The key to working things out is not trying to work harder to guarantee you don’t disagree in the future. Such a strategy amounts to a fool’s errand. The only real solution is learning to find common ground. That is how disagreements are overcome.
By its nature, common ground is something you and your spouse can agree on. It is also something you can build on. When you are able to find common ground, you are also able to find ways to work around your disagreements. You are able to compromise in such a way as to avoid the disagreement becoming a major problem.
If You Need Counseling
There are times when couples go so long without learning how to find common ground that normal disagreements become wedges in their relationship. Such is not a good position to be in. However, a couple doesn’t have to remain in that position. If you and your spouse find yourselves there, you do not need to remain there forever.
Contact us right away if you need counseling. We can help you make sense of your disagreements and find a path forward. Remember that not seeing eye-to-eye on everything is normal. It’s okay. It is actually healthy for your relationship. You just have to learn how to work with it and, where possible, use it to your advantage.