Confusing Mixed Signals

MustangBabe · 03-10-2006, 01:46 PM

I have a guy friend that I'm really close to. I used to have a crush on him back in high school and now we've gotten really close and I don't know what I feel for him.
We flirt all the time, sex is something we always play with each other about but we never do anything, and the list goes on. Most people mistake us for a couple and my parents think that we would make a great couple. But he won't ask me out. I tried talking to him about a relationship once, but he pretty much ignored me. And when I finally start moving away from him to look for other guys he starts getting extra flirtatious with me and gets touchy feely and it always woos me back to him.
And he's got NO luck with women. He gets hung up on all the wrong women for him. (One of his more recent girlfriends ditched him to go get high with her ex and another one had 15 other boyfriends that she told him she wasn't giving up.) I'm very very confused as to what to do with him. I'm at the point of just plain cutting him out of my life if I can't figure out what he is to me, but I don't want to loose our friendship either. Help!

TheLoveDoctor · 03-10-2006, 05:58 PM

Well, I'm not sure what you want. Would you want to have a relationship with him? This is a really difficult issue, because if you do start up a relationship and it goes poorly, it might risk loosing a good friend. What has he done/said when you talked to him?

MustangBabe · 03-10-2006, 07:29 PM

I don't really know what I want, that's another problem. Like you said, I keep thinking that if there is a relationship and it goes wrong, I don't want to loose our friendship. And when we talk, he's very flirtatious and he looks me in the eyes and he's really honest, but if I even bring up a relationship with another guy, he seems to get jealous and doesn't want to talk about it. If I talk about a relationship with him, he makes jokes about it (like, 'dating you Shelb would be like dating an asylum') and he dodges the subject. He's kind of possesive about me too. For example, he doesn't want anyone else to take me to get my first tattoo except him. Basically, as my mother says, we act like an old married couple but we don't have a relationship. I think I would at least like to give it a try, but like I said, he dodges the subject and when I give up, he starts up again, wooing me back to him.

freakypunkdixie · 03-10-2006, 10:39 PM

Girl, you need to calm down...
He's your friend that is flirty and protectful...and sacred to lose you.

The best reason I can give you that he acts this way is that he thinks the same thing you are asking. "Will I lose her if we try a relationship goes sour?"...

I'm thinking that he is comfortable with where he's at and doesn't want it any other way. It's obvious he cares alot for you. Geez, I bet he thinks you're gold. You're so beautiful to him that he doesn't want to smear his greasy finger prints any where on your ora.

I got this question for ya: Why is it that it is ok for him to get other girls and not ok for you to venture out? Seriously, I think this guy is a greedy hog.

My advice...

Man, I bet it's fun flirting with him...
If I was in your case, I would still flirt with him but start talking to someone you both know, and let the other person know what's going on, and ask him if it's ok if you use him. Have a bunch of days where the 3 of you hang out, while your all over him.

He's bound to break lose... DONT fall for his wooings!!!! You are playing with his emotions and you MUST have control... When he busts, you tell him that he is also playing with your emotions and that he can't dodge it any more and that you guys need to talk.

And you can tell him that I think he's one greedy mo' fo'.

MustangBabe · 03-11-2006, 09:45 PM

Sounds like a good idea except the only two guys that we both know (and that I feel comfortable playing around with) live far away from here.

And it's totally fun flirting with him.
As far as him being allowed to have girlfriends and me no boyfriends, it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm picky about my guys, so there's not a lot of other guys. There was one guy that could have pulled me away from him, but for some reason said guy fell off the face of the earth. *shrugs*

TheLoveDoctor · 03-12-2006, 12:15 PM

I'd have to respectively disagree with freakypunkdixie on the advice of "finding someone who will agree to be used by you so you can make the guy you like jealous."

If you really wanted to know I'm sure you could - you'd just have to be ultra serious. Ask him "where are we" or something like that. You don't have to tell him that you want a relationship, but you can just ask him that you are confused a little about the status of your relationship. If you do this is a "serious" demeanor, face to face or on the phone I'm sure he would be responsive.

MustangBabe · 03-12-2006, 04:03 PM

That's a problem with him, anytime I get serious with him and ask him about us, he changes his mind and stops being fliratious and turns into, well, a guy. And then once we're off the subject of us, he goes back to flirting and being nice and all that jazz. (He says I'm the only one of his friends he's ever nice to.) I'm very in tune with my emotions. Generally, I know what I want and what I like and I'm not usually thrown off like this by anyone. I wonder if I just back off for a while, not flirt back, then maybe something will happen.

Froldt · 03-12-2006, 09:25 PM

MustangBabe - as a guy, who easily clams up when talking about serious subjects... this is my little bit of advice...
I clam up, even if I want to talk. For me to actually talk, I have to be comfortable; for me, this was driving around. I'd drive around and sort of calm down, and then I could work up to talking.
If my g/f pushed, then I was likely to clam up further. However, once she got me to that calmed state, then I was willing to talk.

So I guess that my suggestion is that you find some situation in which your friend feels comfortable, and then lay out your thoughts on the matter. "Our friendship is more important than anything, but I would like to try a more serious relationship..." (or whatever you decide)

Perhaps I'm just a fan of the direct approach. Whatever you decide to try, good luck!

MustangBabe · 11-03-2006, 04:44 PM

Thank god this has been resolved. We talked it over and decided to stay friends and nothing more. I thank you for all your help on this.

TheLoveDoctor · 11-04-2006, 02:20 AM

I'm glad you guys were able to talk this over, come to a conclusion and still remain friends. That is the best possible result that could from this situation, and is a true sign of maturity.

03-10-2006, 01:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
MustangBabe Virgin Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In between lost and found Posts: 12	Confusing Mixed Signals I have a guy friend that I'm really close to. I used to have a crush on him back in high school and now we've gotten really close and I don't know what I feel for him. We flirt all the time, sex is something we always play with each other about but we never do anything, and the list goes on. Most people mistake us for a couple and my parents think that we would make a great couple. But he won't ask me out. I tried talking to him about a relationship once, but he pretty much ignored me. And when I finally start moving away from him to look for other guys he starts getting extra flirtatious with me and gets touchy feely and it always woos me back to him. And he's got NO luck with women. He gets hung up on all the wrong women for him. (One of his more recent girlfriends ditched him to go get high with her ex and another one had 15 other boyfriends that she told him she wasn't giving up.) I'm very very confused as to what to do with him. I'm at the point of just plain cutting him out of my life if I can't figure out what he is to me, but I don't want to loose our friendship either. Help!

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

03-10-2006, 05:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
TheLoveDoctor Moderator Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: California Posts: 531	Well, I'm not sure what you want. Would you want to have a relationship with him? This is a really difficult issue, because if you do start up a relationship and it goes poorly, it might risk loosing a good friend. What has he done/said when you talked to him?

03-10-2006, 07:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
MustangBabe Virgin Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In between lost and found Posts: 12	I don't really know what I want, that's another problem. Like you said, I keep thinking that if there is a relationship and it goes wrong, I don't want to loose our friendship. And when we talk, he's very flirtatious and he looks me in the eyes and he's really honest, but if I even bring up a relationship with another guy, he seems to get jealous and doesn't want to talk about it. If I talk about a relationship with him, he makes jokes about it (like, 'dating you Shelb would be like dating an asylum') and he dodges the subject. He's kind of possesive about me too. For example, he doesn't want anyone else to take me to get my first tattoo except him. Basically, as my mother says, we act like an old married couple but we don't have a relationship. I think I would at least like to give it a try, but like I said, he dodges the subject and when I give up, he starts up again, wooing me back to him.

03-10-2006, 10:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
freakypunkdixie In Love Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tennessee Posts: 209	Girl, you need to calm down... He's your friend that is flirty and protectful...and sacred to lose you. The best reason I can give you that he acts this way is that he thinks the same thing you are asking. "Will I lose her if we try a relationship goes sour?"... I'm thinking that he is comfortable with where he's at and doesn't want it any other way. It's obvious he cares alot for you. Geez, I bet he thinks you're gold. You're so beautiful to him that he doesn't want to smear his greasy finger prints any where on your ora. I got this question for ya: Why is it that it is ok for him to get other girls and not ok for you to venture out? Seriously, I think this guy is a greedy hog. My advice... Man, I bet it's fun flirting with him... If I was in your case, I would still flirt with him but start talking to someone you both know, and let the other person know what's going on, and ask him if it's ok if you use him. Have a bunch of days where the 3 of you hang out, while your all over him. He's bound to break lose... DONT fall for his wooings!!!! You are playing with his emotions and you MUST have control... When he busts, you tell him that he is also playing with your emotions and that he can't dodge it any more and that you guys need to talk. And you can tell him that I think he's one greedy mo' fo'.

03-11-2006, 09:45 PM	#5 (permalink)
MustangBabe Virgin Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In between lost and found Posts: 12	Sounds like a good idea except the only two guys that we both know (and that I feel comfortable playing around with) live far away from here. And it's totally fun flirting with him. As far as him being allowed to have girlfriends and me no boyfriends, it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm picky about my guys, so there's not a lot of other guys. There was one guy that could have pulled me away from him, but for some reason said guy fell off the face of the earth. shrugs

03-12-2006, 12:15 PM	#6 (permalink)
TheLoveDoctor Moderator Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: California Posts: 531	I'd have to respectively disagree with freakypunkdixie on the advice of "finding someone who will agree to be used by you so you can make the guy you like jealous." If you really wanted to know I'm sure you could - you'd just have to be ultra serious. Ask him "where are we" or something like that. You don't have to tell him that you want a relationship, but you can just ask him that you are confused a little about the status of your relationship. If you do this is a "serious" demeanor, face to face or on the phone I'm sure he would be responsive.

03-12-2006, 04:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
MustangBabe Virgin Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In between lost and found Posts: 12	That's a problem with him, anytime I get serious with him and ask him about us, he changes his mind and stops being fliratious and turns into, well, a guy. And then once we're off the subject of us, he goes back to flirting and being nice and all that jazz. (He says I'm the only one of his friends he's ever nice to.) I'm very in tune with my emotions. Generally, I know what I want and what I like and I'm not usually thrown off like this by anyone. I wonder if I just back off for a while, not flirt back, then maybe something will happen.

03-12-2006, 09:25 PM	#8 (permalink)
Froldt In Love Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 160	MustangBabe - as a guy, who easily clams up when talking about serious subjects... this is my little bit of advice... I clam up, even if I want to talk. For me to actually talk, I have to be comfortable; for me, this was driving around. I'd drive around and sort of calm down, and then I could work up to talking. If my g/f pushed, then I was likely to clam up further. However, once she got me to that calmed state, then I was willing to talk. So I guess that my suggestion is that you find some situation in which your friend feels comfortable, and then lay out your thoughts on the matter. "Our friendship is more important than anything, but I would like to try a more serious relationship..." (or whatever you decide) Perhaps I'm just a fan of the direct approach. Whatever you decide to try, good luck!

11-03-2006, 04:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
MustangBabe Virgin Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In between lost and found Posts: 12	Thank god this has been resolved. We talked it over and decided to stay friends and nothing more. I thank you for all your help on this.

11-04-2006, 02:20 AM	#10 (permalink)
TheLoveDoctor Moderator Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: California Posts: 531	I'm glad you guys were able to talk this over, come to a conclusion and still remain friends. That is the best possible result that could from this situation, and is a true sign of maturity.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Confusing Mixed Signals

Romantic Dating Support