A “happily ever after” is all that may have been on your mind when you decided to commit to a long-term relationship. It turns out that achieving long-term success with someone else is not easy. You and your partner may occasionally disagree or struggle to agree on certain issues. 

Thankfully, couples counseling and therapy can help. It may teach you how to talk to your partner in a way that will make your relationship rewarding and mutually beneficial. But you may be confused if it is your first time considering couples therapy services in Westchester, NY. Worry not. Read on to find out how couples counseling works and its value.

Couples therapy in a nutshell

Couples therapy, like other talk therapy types, attempts to alleviate people’s distress and enhance their functioning in a significant area of their lives. However, unlike other types of treatment, the psychotherapist is usually not the only person in the room—three other parties are usually there as well. 

The relationship itself exists, as do each of the partners in the couple. The couples therapist skillfully balances the wants and interests of all three in a very dynamic high-wire act.

Couples typically seek therapy when one or both partners are in great suffering and they have divergent perspectives on the same experiences. It’s common for one partner to want therapy than the other.

What actually takes place during couples counseling?

Couples therapy is not what you see on television. It’s not actually a place to get many “relationship tools,” it’s not a place to repeat what your partner said, and it’s not a place to be told you’re wrong.

Through couples counseling, a couple can discover more about one another, the relationship, and themselves. Here, one can comprehend the “emotional trigger” underlying the argument over the dishwasher. Or perhaps an area where trends in “arguments” are evident. In therapy, a professional accepts the special couple for who they are and helps to recognize and resolve the hurt and setbacks they are experiencing.

Among the many questions the therapist is likely to ask are those concerning each partner’s family of origin and those that cast doubt on a person’s viewpoint or beliefs. Although they do not take sides in arguments, couples therapists may point out personal habits that exacerbate issues in the relationship. 

Typically, therapy seeks to strengthen relationships or sever partnerships in a way that makes sense. In the course of solving problems, partners develop empathy for both themselves and their relationship. They learn how to constructively manage their own bad emotions and rediscover the feelings that drew them to one another in the first place.

Couple therapy approaches

Different approaches to couples therapy have been empirically tested to some extent. Although they may represent various ideas of relational behavior, they all aim to enhance couple functioning. The goal is to turn relationships into a very meaningful and fulfilling experience for both partners. Couples therapists typically have training in several different modalities and can use strategies from each one as appropriate. Among these are:

Emotion-based therapy

Emotion-focused therapy considers restoring the physical and emotional connection between a troubled couple the most effective way to effect relationship change. The therapist uses attachment theory to help partners identify and communicate the feelings that underlie their alienation or anger. 

This vulnerability exposure turns into a potent tool for eliciting a partner’s engagement. Restoring connection gives couples a regenerative source of comfort that enables them to work together to resolve whatever issues they may encounter.

The Gottman approach

John Gottman, a psychologist who invented methods of measuring interaction processes, and his wife Julie Gottman developed the Gottman Method. It emphasizes the importance of:

• Sharing one’s inner world, 
• Frequent bids for connection or response
• Repairing the damage caused by missing those bids
• The enormous power of negative emotion to destroy a relationship. 

By learning to show love and respect, partners develop intimacy and create “love maps” representing their partner’s mental landscape.

Imago relationship therapy

“Getting the love you want” is the central idea of Imago Relationship Therapy. It aims to empower couples to realize the ideal of love they cultivated via their early attachment to caretakers. To show that they understand each other, partners alternate speaking and listening, affirming each other’s viewpoints and listening to their emotions.

The goal of couples therapy

Effective relationship or couples counseling has five main goals:

Enhance communication

Relationships require communication, which is particularly crucial when there is intimacy involved. Couples therapy aims to enhance communication within the partnership. This ensures that couples do not tease or abuse one another when expressing their emotions.

Modify dysfunctional conduct

The goal of relationship therapy is to alter how the two partners communicate. The therapist will also ensure that couples are not acting in ways that could damage their relationship, including psychologically, physically, or financially.

Modify the relationship’s perspectives

The psychologist or couples therapist will work to assist both parties in viewing the relationship more objectively during the course of the therapy. This entails learning to see the issues in the relationship as something that affects both parties and to cease blaming one another for them. The therapist observes how both partners interact with one another during treatment sessions and looks at potential contributing factors.

Reduce avoidance emotions

Couples may increase their chances of developing emotional distance and growing apart if they are unable to communicate their feelings clearly. The goal is to assist the couple in expressing feelings and ideas that they might be reluctant to share with their spouse. This way, they might be able to rekindle their relationship.

Encouraging strengths

Most therapy sessions concentrate on the relationship’s trouble spots. This makes it simple to overlook the aspects of the partnership where the pair gets along well. The therapist will highlight the positive aspects of the partnership as therapy draws to a close. This way, the couple can stop focusing only on the drawbacks of their time together and instead recognize how much they appreciate each other.

Summing up

Couples therapy is a delicate process that helps couples who have felt lost, hurt, dissatisfied, and unsure about their relationship feel happy, content, and relieved again.