Self-sabotage often creeps in when we’re on the brink of something better—we panic, pull back, or push away just as well-being appears within reach.

But what if understanding those moments could actually save your relationships instead of undermining them?

At Relationships & More, we specialize in helping individuals and couples in New York City, Westchester, and White Plains recognize and rewrite self-sabotaging patterns—turning inner obstacles into opportunities for growth.

Common Self-Sabotaging Patterns in Relationships

Based on psychological insights and real-world relationship dynamics:

Avoidant Behaviors: Procrastination or chronic lateness that leave your partner feeling unprioritized.
Unnecessary Conflict: Picking fights or nitpicking as a defense against vulnerability.
Self-Defeatist Thinking: Negative loops in your mind convincing you “you don’t deserve this” or to give up before trying.
Tolerating Toxic Patterns: Staying in unhealthy dynamics—people‑pleasing, self-sacrifice, or accepting less than you deserve.

Steps to Stop the Self-Sabotage Cycle

Notice the Signals
Recognizing the physical or emotional panic—like anxiety or discomfort—can mean you’re on the verge of growth.
Track Your Patterns
Keep a journal. Are there specific moments when you pull away—like when discussions get deep, or success is actualized?
Challenge the Inner Saboteur
If you find yourself thinking, “This can’t last,” quietly remind yourself, “I’m allowed to receive support, intimacy, and joy here.” This reframing is a powerful mindset shift.
Communicate with Clarity
Use “I” statements like, “I feel anxious when things get serious because intimacy has been hard for me.” Open emotional communication reduces misinterpretations SELF.
Seek Support Together or Separately
Working with a skilled therapist helps uncover deep-seated patterns and provides new responses. If you’re in NYC or Westchester, our team specializes in identifying self-sabotaging habits—and building pathways to trust, intimacy, and sustained connection.

Imagine a Relationship Anchored in Awareness—not Fear

Self-sabotage isn’t destiny—it’s often fear disguised as safety. By learning to recognize it, talk about it, and work through it—your relationships can shift from cycles of self-protection to cycles of growth.

If you’ve ever pulled away when things got real or wondered what you might lose if things go well—you’re not broken. You’re on the cusp of something profound. Let us help you step into it confidently.

Book a session today—whether for individual therapy in Westchester or couples counseling in White Plains. Break the cycle and build connection instead.