Breaking up is never easy—whether you were together for a few months or several years. The end of a romantic relationship often leaves people asking the same question: “How long will it take to get over this?”

While there’s no universal timeline for healing from a breakup, understanding the emotional process, what factors influence your recovery, and what pitfalls to avoid can help you navigate heartbreak with more self-compassion and clarity.

In this article, we’ll explore:

Why breakups hurt so much
The stages of breakup grief
Factors that influence how long it takes to get over someone
Typical timelines (with examples)
Strategies to heal faster—and healthier
What not to do after a breakup
When to seek help

Why Breakups Hurt So Much
The 5 Stages of Breakup Grief
Factors That Influence Healing Time
Average Timelines: What Research Suggests
Myths About Moving On
How to Heal Faster and Healthier
Signs You’re Making Progress
Mistakes That Delay Healing
When to Seek Professional Help
Final Thoughts

1. Why Breakups Hurt So Much

Breakups are more than just the end of a romantic relationship—they represent the loss of a future you envisioned, the comfort of shared rituals, and the emotional security of companionship.

Here’s why it hurts deeply:

Emotional bonding: Romantic relationships involve oxytocin, dopamine, and attachment systems in the brain. Losing a partner can feel like withdrawal from a drug.
Identity disruption: Relationships become part of how we define ourselves. A breakup often shakes the foundation of who we are.
Loss of routine: You’re no longer texting them goodnight, planning your weekend together, or having someone to share daily joys and stressors.
Social impact: Breakups often affect mutual friends, shared living spaces, and even work dynamics.

2. The 5 Stages of Breakup Grief

Much like grieving a death, many people go through five common emotional stages post-breakup:

1. Denial

“This can’t be happening.”
You may still text or call, hoping to get back together.

2. Anger

Directed at your ex, yourself, or even the universe.
You might dwell on betrayal, wasted time, or unresolved issues.

3. Bargaining

“What if I had tried harder?”
You fantasize about second chances or changing the past.

4. Depression

Deep sadness, withdrawal, loss of appetite or interest in life.
This is often the longest stage.

5. Acceptance

You start to let go.
You no longer obsess over them and begin to rebuild your life.

Not everyone goes through these in order—and some cycle through them multiple times.

3. Factors That Influence Healing Time

1. Length and intensity of the relationship

Longer relationships usually take longer to get over, but emotional intensity matters more than duration.

2. Who initiated the breakup

The one who was broken up with often takes longer to heal than the one who made the decision.

3. Attachment style

Anxious attachment types may struggle more with letting go, while avoidant types may suppress feelings that surface later.

4. Support system

Those with strong friendships or family support typically heal faster.

5. Mental health history

Pre-existing depression or anxiety can make recovery harder and longer.

6. Presence of closure

Breakups with clear reasons and respectful communication tend to be easier to recover from than those involving ghosting, betrayal, or ambiguity.

7. Whether you stay in contact

Continued contact—especially physical or emotional—can delay healing significantly.

4. Average Timelines: What Research Suggests

While no scientific study can predict your exact healing timeline, several studies have looked into the average duration of post-breakup grief.

General findings:

3 to 6 months: The most intense pain generally lasts this long.
11 weeks: A 2007 study found it takes about 11 weeks to start feeling better after a breakup.
18 months or more: For serious, long-term relationships or marriages, recovery can take 1 to 2 years.

Anecdotal guideline:

Some therapists use the “half the length of the relationship” rule. For example, if you were together for 2 years, it might take about 1 year to fully move on. This isn’t a strict formula but offers a ballpark.

5. Myths About Moving On

“Time heals all wounds.”

Time helps, but how you use that time matters. Avoidance, denial, or toxic habits can prolong pain.

“You need to date someone new to move on.”

Rebound relationships might temporarily numb the pain but often don’t lead to genuine healing.

“If you’re still hurting, you must not be over them.”

You can grieve the loss of someone and still not want them back. Healing isn’t black and white.

6. How to Heal Faster and Healthier

1. Feel the pain instead of suppressing it

Cry, scream, write. Feelings demand to be felt.

2. Cut off contact (at least temporarily)

This includes social media. Constant updates or texts reopen wounds.

3. Create a breakup ritual

Write them a goodbye letter (you don’t have to send it), delete old photos, or unfollow their accounts.

4. Rediscover yourself

Rebuild your identity. Try new hobbies, reconnect with friends, travel, or focus on your career.

5. Work on your mental and physical health

Eat well, sleep, exercise. A healthy body supports a healthy mind.

6. Seek therapy

Breakups can trigger past traumas. Therapy helps you understand patterns and build resilience.

7. Signs You’re Making Progress

You no longer obsessively check their social media.
You can think of the relationship without feeling consumed by sadness or anger.
You start looking forward to things again.
You have moments of joy, laughter, and peace.
You’re open to new experiences or people—even if you’re not ready to date.

8. Mistakes That Delay Healing

1. Staying friends too soon

Friendship may be possible one day, but not right away.

2. Revisiting old messages/photos

This keeps your brain stuck in nostalgia and fantasy.

3. Obsessing over closure

You might never get the answers you want. Letting go doesn’t always require full understanding.

4. Using substances or distractions to cope

Drinking, drugs, overworking, or constant socializing only postpone emotional processing.

5. Self-blame

Breakups are rarely one person’s fault. Compassion for yourself is key.

9. When to Seek Professional Help

You should consider therapy if:

It’s been several months and you’re not functioning normally.
You can’t sleep, eat, or concentrate.
You’re having panic attacks or thoughts of self-harm.
You’re stuck in obsessive thoughts or feel unable to let go.
You notice patterns repeating from past relationships.

Therapy can help you uncover attachment wounds, strengthen your self-worth, and develop tools for future relationships.

10. Final Thoughts

Breakups are some of the most painful human experiences, but they can also be profoundly transformational. Healing takes time—not just measured in days or weeks, but in emotional readiness and self-awareness.

There is no magic date when you’ll suddenly stop missing them or thinking about what went wrong. But with intention, support, and self-care, you will feel whole again.

Remember:

Your healing is not linear.
You’re not weak for hurting.
Letting go is not forgetting—it’s honoring what was while choosing what’s next.

And maybe the better question is not “How long will it take to get over them?” but: “How can I take care of myself while I’m healing?”

Table of Contents